How to Flirt When You're an Introvert

How to Flirt When You're an Introvert


One of the hardest parts of being an introvert is surely walking that line between wanting to be alone, and not wanting to feel lonely. For a lot of introverts, the hardest part of creating those desired connections is actually getting in a position to make them, and opening your mouth at all. As someone who has always been torn between being an introvert at heart, but also a social butterfly (weird, right?), I come to you bearing advice I'm able to give to help navigate those muddy primal waters of flirtatious encounters, and, hopefully, to help you avoid that whole "I'd like to go hide under a rock now, please," phase.

Get out among people

Now, this seems obvious, I know, but it's important! How on earth are you going to find people to flirt with if you're tucked away in your bedroom? Yes, yes, I know about the internet, but forging real human connections is difficult at best via social media. You need to be around real people, no matter how awful that might sound. (I promise. Only like half of them bite.) You'll be fine.

Utilize connections

Chances are, if you're a human, you have friends. I'd bet money that at least a few of them know more people than you, or at least a few different people. They are your way in. Luckily, the advantage of having friends introduce you to new people is that, not only are you now meeting new people, you also have a safe person with you, who will provide both moral support, and (possibly) a quick escape should things get a little to hairy for your taste.

Remember that you are interesting

So you're in. You've both shared names and shake hands, and now you have to start talking. If you're someone who spends a lot of time alone on Tumblr or the like, chances are you have a tiny nagging feeling right about now that maybe you're not quite interesting enough to say anything right now. What if you let slip you're obsessed with Harry Potter? So embarrassing. But that's just not true! The things you like, the things you do, they're just as interesting as the guy that jumps out of airplanes once a month to make sure his heart still works (I don't know if any real guy does this. Please don't tell people that that's a real thing). Anyway, my point is this: You ARE interesting. You don't need to feel nervous or scared, because chances are it's all in your head. But if you really feel like they just don't care, you can move on to somebody else that does. Whether it's back to the safe-place friend you came with, or just to someone else that's new, you have a choice, and you can make it.

Asking for a phone number isn't weird

So, you've laughed a little and the conversation is going well, but what now? If this is a person you'll want to talk to later, you're going to need a way to do that. Luckily, we are blessed with innumerable platforms for communication, and chances are, the person you're talking to will have at least two of these: the most common being a phone and Facebook. So, ask for that information. No one is going to think you're an obsessive stalker for asking for someone's Instagram, and if you're hitting it off, they'll want you to have their digits. Trust me.

Related: Quiz: What's Your Campus Dating Type?

Actually try to strike up a new conversation

You made it. You left your comfort zone, made some new friends, batted a few eyelashes, and now you’re sitting on your bed staring at their contact info and wondering if you should talk to them. Yes. Yes you should. It's really simple. Three letters: "Hey." If they reply, great! If not, they're probably busy. Don't sweat it. You've already done all the hardest parts and now only time will tell.

Be yourself

This last part is extremely important and also (sigh) extremely cliché. I'm sorry. But, truly, be yourself. Don't open up until you're ready. You are in control here. And no matter what, never, ever try to be someone that you're not. A person usually knows when they're being lied to, and, besides, you're great the way you are. 

So, get out there and shake your hips and flip your hair. You're ready. In fact, you always were!

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