How Suicide Has Impacted Me

Suicide is a really difficult subject for me to talk about, but if we don’t talk about it, we are allowing it to go unnoticed. That’s the worst thing we could possibly do. If I had let suicide go unnoticed, one of the most important people in my life wouldn’t be here right now. I’m so thankful they are still here, and I’m so thankful I listened. Though they are still working on healing, they are in a much better place now, and they have taught me so much about being thankful for everything I have in my life. For the sake of the person’s privacy, we’ll refer to them as L from here forward.

L had been struggling for about a year when they texted me to say goodbye. It was really late at night, and I was in bed on my phone. I tried just talking to L for a little while, hoping I could calm the situation, hoping I could fix my friend. After an hour, L stopped responding to me. Five minutes went by, then ten, then thirty. I called seven times with no answer. Yes, maybe they had fallen asleep, but maybe they were about to end it all, so I called L’s parents. They found L just in time. This wasn’t the first time. This wasn’t the last time, but this was the worst time.

I have always been a sentimental person, and I have always loved photos; but ever since knowing L, I’ve realized how precious every memory really is. I take photos of all the best moments in my life, with all the best people I know because every time I’m feeling down, I can look back at those photos and remember the moments and the people that make life worth living. A great deal of L’s struggle has come from disconnecting with the things and people they love. Watching L push people away and feel so low, and then seeing L feel a little better when they stopped pushing people away for a moment showed me how much the people you care about, and the time you spend with them can do for you.

The other thing I learned from L is that the people who truly care about you will never ask you to be anything you’re not. Even when L was feeling down, L’s friends and family still wanted to be around. No one expected L to be happy all the time because we knew what L was going through. We were mostly just glad L was up to being around us, or that they wanted to confide in us.

I’ve been through so much with L, and I’ll be there for L through everything that comes. Though now we are nearing the light at the end of the tunnel, things were not always so hopeful. If you or someone you love is struggling right now, or contemplating suicide, please get help. Please listen. Please try and remember the moments and the people that make life worth living. I know it's so hard to get your mind out of that negative place. I’ve been in that negative place before too, but if you can just find the energy within yourself to love yourself enough to reach out to someone who can help you remember the good things like L did, you can save yourself. There is hope. There is light. If L can make it through everything they have been through, if L’s family and friends could stay by L’s side through everything, then everything will be okay for you too.

If you need help for yourself or someone else, contact the Suicide Prevention Lifeline call 1-800-273-8255 or chat online at suicidepreventionlifeline.org